Only Murders in the Building Quotes

If my years in regional theater and wild orgies have taught me anything, it’s that there is no getting rid of glitter.

I’m sorry about all this, but it could be worse. All morning, I have been hearing this whistling sound. I might have a brain tumor![Charles-Haden Savage]Look, don’t try to cheer me up.[Oliver Putnam]

I’m so on board with this. Because this is how I’m gonna fill the rest of my days with hobbies, and my hobby is solving murders. I’m gonna go on vacation with murders, and one day, murders are gonna sit by my bed and feed me broth because I’m losing my swallow reflex.[to Oliver]

I’m so Greek, I could go bankrupt, and no one in the world would help me.[to Will]

I’d like to point out that when I offered to help, everyone sent me home to get stabbed.

I worry about you here.[Charles-Haden Savage]I worry about you all the time.[Mabel Mora]

I see where this is going! You think I was the target? That’s preposterous! I was People magazine’s 8th Most Beloved TV Cop!

I mean, you’re insane, but that’s usually who people want to follow.[to Oliver]

I knew you were due for a good idea since your last one six months ago.[to Charles]

I don’t want my life to be all about the worst parts of it. I have more to offer than that.[to Alice]

I do like a sentimental moment, especially if the liquor is good.

I can’t cry twice in one day. Unless I think of my dad. Or my mom. Or any moment from my childhood.