The Office Quotes (Season 3)

Phyllis is getting married. And I am in the wedding party. She has asked me to push her father’s wheelchair down the aisle. So, basically, I am co-giving away the bride. Since I pay her salary, it is like I’m paying for the wedding. Which I’m happy to do. It’s a big day for Phyllis. But it’s an even bigger day for me. Employer of the bride.

People hate people that are different from them. That’s natural.

Oscar, you brought your Speedo, I assume?[Michael Scott]I don’t wear a Speedo, Michael.[Oscar Martinez]Well, you can’t swim in leather pants.[Michael Scott]

One of my life goals was to die right here in my desk chair. And today, that dream was shattered.

Once I’m officially Regional Manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable, fictional, and overqualified.

Not everything’s a lesson. Sometimes you just fail.[Ryan Howard: I don’t get it. I don’t get what I did wrong.]

Not everything a guy says needs to be said. Sometimes it’s just about the music of the conversation.

No, this is not our first wedding. This is the third wedding that Scrantonicity has played. We also played our bassist’s wedding and our guitarist’s wedding.

No, don’t call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning, and go into their normal jobs, and get a distress call from the commissioner, and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes.

My weaknesses are actually strengths.

Meredith, if you don’t come to my party, you will be very, very sorry.[Angela Martin[/mqqi]Is that a threat?[Meredith Palmer[/mqqi]No, it’s an invitation.[Angela Martin[/mqqi]

Let’s face it, most guys are from the Dark Ages. They’re caveman. And they like a woman to be showing her cleavage and to be wearing eight-inch heels. And to be wearing see-through underpants. But for me, a woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked.