Mike Thompson Quotes

When have you ever seen me take a backseat? I don’t even sit in the backseat of a car. If I hail a cab, I sit shotgun or I drive.[to Ben]

If you want something real, you’re better off building a foundation. You know, taking your time, like I did with Lena. But don’t take too much time, because then you get friend zoned.[Mike Thompson]What is friend zoned?[Harry Vanderspeigle]Oh, what is friend zoned? It’s like you’re outside a cupcake shop, right? And the line is real long, but you wait, because those cupcakes are great. And you finally get in, but now the cupcake’s sleeping with somebody who slipped in the back door.[Mike Thompson]

Taking time helps you see things more clearly, Deputy. Hey, you know, Cletus peed in my bed once, right? Now, I got mad, but did I get rid of him? No. I took some time to reflect and find the right move. So then I went and peed in his little doggy bed, and I said to him, “Now, how do you like it now?” That’s how he learns. They pee on you, you pee on them. I’m not gonna rub his nose in it. That’d just be cruel.

Respect is not an entitlement. You can’t get it just by standing there asking for it. You earn it through your actions.

Is it too much to ask for, to find an independent woman who only does what I want?

I’m enjoying my life so much I got little cartoon birds flying around my head.

Everybody’s innocent until proven guilty, unless they’re guilty.

Don’t worry about limping pigeons. Over time, they’ve developed the ability to fake ankle injuries to get more bread from people. It’s sad. It used to be such a proud bird.[to Liv]

You are the Grinch.[Mike Thompson]But the Grinch only comes at Christmas, so can’t be.[Ben Hawthorne]The hell does the Grinch do the rest of the year?[Mike Thompson]

You ain’t never really safe until you learn to look behind yourself.

There’s nothing I love more than a perfectly timed “unless.” It’s like a spoon being dipped into some soup. Go ahead, bring that soup to my lips, Deputy.[to Liv]

That’s how it works for handsome people. Happens to me all the time. Every job I ever got didn’t even exist until I wanted it.[Mike Thompson]The job of sheriff existed before you had it, sir.[Liv Baker]Yeah, but it was the day I said to myself, it’d be nice to be sheriff, that old Sheriff Hawthorne up and died. Now, did I kill him? Maybe. Luckily, you can’t be arrested for your thoughts… yet. But I’m working on it.[Mike Thompson]