Resident Alien Quotes

All beings of the universe are different. For instance, my people are brilliant. Humans, on the other hand, are so dumb that they think the leading cause of death is heart disease. It’s not. It’s almond milk. Even the Grey aliens won’t touch the stuff. Despite their differences, there is one truth that connects all beings. Life doesn’t ever go as planned.

They have a term on Earth for a man who works on engines: sexy beast. That’s me. If these humans ever saw me actually flying my spaceship, I’d have women beating me off with a stick.

Don’t worry. She’s not gonna tell anyone. She swore to Allah.[Max Hawthorne]Allah knows?! How many people have you told?[Harry Vanderspeigle]

You are a failure. But you’re also a success. You need to find the part of you that is a success and then love it. And then that will be the part that you are.[to Asta]

I do not understand why humans celebrate their births. Everyone who is alive has been born. It is not special. A birthday party is just a participation trophy.

Humans live to consume, and their appetites are endless. They drop garbage on the ground wherever they go. Earth is like a house they’ve lit on fire but continue to live in, and they use the Earth’s resources to make ugly things like teal Crocs and truck ducks.

Everyone has to die eventually. What matters are the choices you make while you’re alive.

Why do these creatures choose to spend their lives with someone else? It’s bad enough they’re already tethered to each other through family. My people do family the right way. We don’t care if they live or die.

The answer is simple. It’s nighttime. I’ll just break into that kid’s house and kill him. I’ll say one thing about whiskey: it’s allowing me to make smart, rational decisions.

Sometimes family is just the people in your life that you love, that you’d do anything for.[to Harry]

I see now it’s not the food that brings humans together. It’s each other. There is a basic human need to feel like you belong. It feels good.

Humans do not look forward. They have memories that force them to look backwards. The alien in me only failed my mission once, but the human in me has relived that failure a thousand times. Why would I think about it if it’s painful? Maybe humans like pain as much as they like pie.