No one knows where great ideas come from, but you always remember where you were when they came.
It’s a date. I’ve never gone bowling with a murderer before. It’s been a goal.[to Harry]
I’m not alone up here. This is bad. I just felt my rear iris pucker and my testicles tighten. My taint remains unchanged.
I’m enjoying my life so much I got little cartoon birds flying around my head.
Human memory is very powerful. It is more than just knowledge of what has been. It contains feelings of that moment. Memories connect humans even when they are apart, memories of someone you’ve lost.
At the end of the day, you can’t depend on anyone else but you.[to Liza]
Allah knows?! How many people have you told?[Max Hawthorne: Don’t worry. She’s not gonna tell anyone. She swore to Allah.]
You’re doing depression right. The key is to embrace it. Once you accept that you’ve got nothing, then you’ve got nothing left to lose. The low point, that’s where freedom lives.[to Harry]
You don’t have anything to worry about. I’m not an alien. Unfortunately. I hear they’re pretty cool.[to Kate]
With my people coming to kill everyone on Earth, I will need a bunker to survive. I will fix it up and present it to Asta as her new home. We will live, and all the beer-drinking douchebags can fry.
Whiskey, headache, nausea, severe dehydration. Alcohol must not affect humans the way it does us. If it did, they obviously would never drink it.
What’s the point of being married if you can’t fart around your wife?[to Ben]
