I’ve got this horrible feeling that if there is such a thing as reincarnation, knowing my luck, I’ll come back as me.
I met this bird, Helen. She really is something else. I mean, she’s tall, she’s slender, bit older than me, but you know, I’ve been brought up to respect me elders.[to Albert]
I feel like I’ve taken the mountain to Muhammad only to find he’s already bloody got one.
He used to be six foot one, but like he said, he had a bad landing.[to Lisa, about Del Boy]
Freddie the Frog. Killed himself by sitting on someone else’s detonator. What a plonker.
Every single ship he ever sailed on either got torpedoed or divebombed. Two of them in peacetime![about Albert]
Do you realise we’ve always had something missing in our lives. First we was motherless, then we were fatherless and now we’re flogging one-legged turkeys from a three-wheeled van.
Del, you can’t speak French. You’re still struggling with English.
Del, what do you know about diamonds? I mean, to you diamonds are them things that you wear in your cufflinks, and to be quite honest with you I’ve seen better cats eyes.
Del can sometimes be interesting. But most of the time he’s just baffling.[to Cassandra, about Del Boy]
Cheer up? Del, I’ve just met the first girl in my life who really means something to me, and it turns out to be my bloody niece![to Del Boy, about Debbie]
Boycie would scalp you if dandruff had a going rate.