The closest he gets to a sudden movements when he wipes the cobwebs off his head.[about Albert]
Still, it could have been worse, Del. My gran had one with a squeaky wheel.[Del returns from hospital in a wheelchair after his hang gliding trip]
People round here don’t pay £85 for a painting. People round here don’t pay £85 for a car.[to Victoria]
Last time I was over there, the only way you could tell the sexes were the men spit further.[about women in Australia]
I might be able to con people into buying my cars, I might be able to convince them that you conceived and gave birth in seven days flat, but how the hell am I gonna persuade them that my grandad was Louis Armstrong?[to Marlene, Anna’s baby girl turns out to be black]
I met this bird, Helen. She really is something else. I mean, she’s tall, she’s slender, bit older than me, but you know, I’ve been brought up to respect me elders.[to Albert]
Hello, dear, nice to meet you all.[after Anna walks in pregnant]
He used to be six foot one, but like he said, he had a bad landing.[to Lisa, about Del Boy]
He mentioned your CV. How bad is that? Nice little Citroen.[to Rodney, about his future job]
Freddie the Frog. Killed himself by sitting on someone else’s detonator. What a plonker.
Ask and it shall be given, that’s my motto.
An hour ago, you were The Shadow, right, man of mystery. Now we know your name, your address and your mum’s shoe size![to Lennox]