Only Murders in the Building Quotes (Season 1)

Stay out of the theater if you want a life. Trust me.[to Ursula]

People who don’t pay their building fees are the worst. It makes the rest of ours go up.

Is it cancer? I just need to know how invested I should get in you. You don’t adopt a 20-year-old dog.[to Charles]

I’m so on board with this. Because this is how I’m gonna fill the rest of my days with hobbies, and my hobby is solving murders. I’m gonna go on vacation with murders, and one day, murders are gonna sit by my bed and feed me broth because I’m losing my swallow reflex.[to Oliver]

I’d like to point out that when I offered to help, everyone sent me home to get stabbed.

I mean, you’re insane, but that’s usually who people want to follow.[to Oliver]

I am so lost here. Can someone please fill me in? Unless it’s boring, and then don’t.

He was alone. Isn’t that enough to make us care?[about Tim]

Excuse me. I have been dating decades longer than you’ve been alive, and I’m especially expert at first dates. Because that’s what I mostly have.[to Mabel]

Every true crime story is actually true for someone.

Every great episode two always makes you care deeply for the victim.