I’m not concerned with what Miss Mackenzie thinks, I’m only concerned with Grandad. I mean, look at him. His brain went years ago. Now his legs have gone. There’s only the middle bit of him left.[to Rodney]
[to Trigger at the bar in a yuppy club]I think we’re on a winner here, Trig, alright? Play it nice and cool, son, nice and cool. You know what I mean?[falls through bar] Drink up, Trig. Drink up, we’re leaving.
I tell you what, Raquel. If she can be in a James Bond film, so could you. No, you could. I’m serious. Look at her, she’s a dog.
I shed a tear or two, didn’t I, when Rodney got married and left home. I cried even more when he came back.
I remember me and my missus. I had 18 blissfully happy years, and then I met her.
I never raised a hand to your mother, Rodney, except in self-defence!
I might be able to con people into buying my cars, I might be able to convince them that you conceived and gave birth in seven days flat, but how the hell am I gonna persuade them that my grandad was Louis Armstrong?[to Marlene, Anna’s baby girl turns out to be black]
I met this bird, Helen. She really is something else. I mean, she’s tall, she’s slender, bit older than me, but you know, I’ve been brought up to respect me elders.[to Albert]
I mean, Rodney going out with a policewoman. What the neighbours gonna say?
I mean, I know a lot of people are born a penny short of a shilling but in Trig’s case God added VAT.
I know a crocodile when I come face to face with one. I’ve seen enough Tarzan films![to Rodney]
I had a dizzy spell going over Tower Bridge once.[Dr. Shaheed: Do you have any trouble passing water?]