Doctors. It’s always good news till it ain’t.
Did you hear the one about the Jewish terrorist? He was gonna hijack a plane, but he didn’t wanna use his miles.
Did you ever notice he’s the only motherf***er who can smoke a cigarette in the rain with his hands tied behind his back? That nose is like a natural canopy.
Depression is rage turned inward.
Dead people don’t have houses.[about Livia]
Being a rebel in my family would have been selling patio furniture on Route 22.
At our age it’s enough surprise we’re still alive every morning.
At least she didn’t suffer. She made all of us suffer, instead.[Fran Felstein: I was sorry to hear about your mother.]
As of the wedding day, anything that touches her p***y is off limits.[to Tony, about Adriana]
As far as f***ing bears are concerned, I say, get rid of them all. They had their turn, and now we got ours. That’s why dinosaurs don’t exist no more.
Amazing thing about snakes is that they reproduce spontaneously. They have both male and female sex organs. That’s why somebody you don’t trust, you call a snake. How can you trust a guy who can literally go f*** themselves?
All due respect, you got no f***ing idea what it’s like to be number one. Every decision you make affects every facet of every other f***ing thing. It’s too much to deal with almost. And in the end, you’re completely alone with it all.[to Silvio]
