Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt? Because deep down, they’re really good people.
What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle? The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
Old lawyers never die, they just argue with anybody who’ll listen.
I’m the best lawyer ever.
I’m a lawyer, not a criminal.
Good lawyers worry about facts. Great lawyers worry about their opponents.
Even drug dealers need lawyers, right? Especially drug dealers.
Attorneys always make the worst witnesses.
Any lawyer who comes to you with the words “I guarantee!” is a liar.
A devil emoji? That’s it. I’m speaking to a copyright lawyer today.
You know why God made snakes before he made lawyers? He needed the practice.
You know who people hate more than litigators? Puppy killers.