It’s like my dear old Mum used to say, ‘There’s none so blind as them as what won’t listen.’
It’s amazing, innit? Everything you buy off him has got something missing.[although Del Boy promised Boycie a baby boy, he can only deliver a girl]
If Elsie Partridge really could raise the dead, half the money lenders in Peckham would be employing her.
I’ve always been an achiever. I’ve never actually achieved nothing, mind you, but I’ve always been in with a shout.
I think in her own way she loved me. She never used to charge me as much as the other lads.[about Helga]
I feel like a mosquito who’s caught malaria.
I don’t know why they want these drug addiction centres, anyhow. I mean, ain’t we got enough drug addicts without them recruiting them?
He’s cool, I like it. I tell you, if he wasn’t so white I’d swear he was black.[to Del Boy, about Rodney]
He collects informers the way other people collect stamps.[about Roy]
Cheating you? Cheating you?! What’s that rumbling noise? No, it’s alright, it’s Mum turning in her grave.[to Rodney]
You want to see what it’s like up there in the early hours, Grandad. It’s like the end of the world. It’s full of drug addicts, glue sniffers, winos. Do you know what, if a nightingale sang now in Berkeley Square, someone would eat it.
You ought to think about him. He was all on his own once for three months on an uninhabited island. Of course it wasn’t uninhabited when he arrived but that’s another story.[to Rodney, about Albert]