It’s not possible to have a sense of tragedy without having a sense of humor.
If you say, “With great power comes great responsibility,” I swear I’ll throw up on you.[to Alisa]
I’m not alone up here. This is bad. I just felt my rear iris pucker and my testicles tighten. My taint remains unchanged.
I’m a footballer. No one cares if we swear. It’s part of the job. It’s encouraged.[to Phoebe]
I think that you were right.[Ben Hawthorne]That doesn’t sound like me.[D’Arcy Bloom]
I never know how to react when a grown man does the Carlton in front of me.[to Ted]
I must say that this is lovely. Ever since I was little, I always used to dream about sitting down with a bunch of mates talking about the complex dynamics between men and women.
I know folks are divided on the actual police these days, but all human beings are opposed to the laugh police.[to Trent]
I heal extremely fast. Like a superhero. Not that I call myself a superhero, but your mom does.
I haven’t felt this sharp and focused since I first smelled kerosene.
I gotta say, man, sometimes you remind me of my grandma with the channel hopper. You just push all the wrong buttons.[to Jamie]
You can’t quit.[Miguel Diaz]I got yelled at, got my ass kicked, and then gave him my money. You know who lives like that? Hookers.[Demetri]
