You want me to be a parent? Fine. No more talking until you’re adults.
You think it’s fun to be a god, Ted? You think God’s nipples get hard when he murders a fish? That’s why every summer I take two weeks off and come here. I wipe my brain and pull all but my survival tech. I go home with the peace of mind stupid people get from watching Kevin Costner movies.
You should select a different timeline. I mean, if your father and I achieved our dreams, there’s a chance you weren’t even born.[to Summer]
You s*** on my toilet because you don’t know your place, and your place is nothing. So next time you stumble onto a toilet that feels too good for your ass, trust me, it is.[to Tony]
You may be the single dumbest human I’ve ever met, but you still have a right to take whatever you want seriously.[to Jerry]
You have a cosmic safety net for a dad. Embrace it.[Jerry Smith]Well, that makes me feel like a baby.[Beth Smith]It’s okay to be a baby sometimes. I’ve been a baby our entire marriage. But we should all get a turn.[Jerry Smith]
You ever think about how instead of wrapping yourself in infinite layers of defense you could just be nicer to people?[Morty Smith]Never once, Morty![Rick Sanchez]
You can be great or you can be around forever.
You beat the system, then the system beat back.
You sold a gun to a murderer so you could play video games?![Morty Smith]Yeah, sure, I mean, if you spend all day shuffling words around, you can make anything sound bad, Morty.[Rick Sanchez]
Yeah, guess I am an a**hole! Y’know, sometimes you gotta be an a**hole! My grandpa taught me that!
I’m a parasite![Jerry Smith]Yeah, but you’re real.[Beth Smith]
