Dad, how could you make my son miss an entire semester of school? I mean, it’s not like he’s a hot girl. He can’t just bail on his life and set up shop in someone else’s.[to Rick]
Can’t we just pretend like everything’s fine for a few hours, enjoy ourselves, and then worry about all this later?[to Morty]
Buy another one, Morty. Consume, Morty. Nobody’s out there shopping with this f***ing virus.
Just making conversation.[Jerry Smith]Are you? What part of that gives me anything to work with? My choice is to say nothing, be sarcastic, or bark “yes” like a trained animal. It’s not a conversation. You’re holding me verbally hostage.[Summer Smith]
A, decoys don’t build decoys, and, B, you think the mere suggestion I’m fake would break me? Christ, I’m not your mom.[to Summer]
A dad makes a toilet look like R2-D2, and it breaks the front page of Reddit, but I’m Charles Manson because I gave you your own world instead of an iPad.[to Beth]
8% of anything is expendable. 8% of pizza is crust. 8% of the Snyder cut was Batman dreaming.
Your special time is your power. It makes you strong like a boob.[to Summer]
You’ve been high-roading us non-stop, forcing us to do nothing in the middle of f***ing nowhere because it’s the only way you’re gonna level the playing field, isn’t it? Because if you move the bar so low, you might actually seem like you’re worth a f***.[to Jerry]
You’re the little brother. You’re not the cause of your parents’ misery. You’re just a symptom of it.[to Morty]
You’re growing up fast, Morty. You’re growing into a real big thorn straight up into my ass.
You’re down here bailing on the rest of us because you don’t want to process your grief and shame like a normal person, by drinking and mistreating strangers.[to Birdperson]
