When you’re an a**hole, it doesn’t matter how right you are, nobody wants to give you the satisfaction.
When you know nothing matters, the universe is yours.[to Beth]
If we can kill our enemies, but we can’t jack them off, then how are we better than them?[to Morty]
Everyone wants people they like to be right. That’s why popular people are f***ing dumb.
When smart people get happy, they stop recognizing themselves.
Morty, 20 people try to kill me every week. I end up getting high with half of them.
How is knocking out a deterrent? Everyone wants to be knocked out. Nobody wants to be dead.
Don’t make my mistake, Summer. Don’t deify the people that leave you. You’ll end up a horse surgeon in a world controlled by aliens whose medicine keeps horses healthy forever. Horses live longer than tortoises now. Is that what you want for yourself?
Watch now on:
We’re miserable, Morty! There’s a mandatory curfew, their weird calendar made me 47, and they weaponized the Eiffel Tower!
The reason anyone would do this, if they could, which they can’t, would be because they could, which they can’t.[explains why he turned himself into a pickle]
No union built on running from your problems lasts more than five years, seven tops.
I want cookies and a 90-minute cut of “Avatar.”
