Nothing lasts forever. Just ask a Ford Pinto.
Nobody’s killing me until after I catch my wife with another man.
Nobody gets the death penalty for s*** they didn’t do.[Matty Bennett]Oh, what about The Fugitive?[Susan Bennett]What?[Matty Bennett]Harrison Ford got convicted in that movie, and he was innocent.[Susan Bennett]He must have did something in another movie.[Matty Bennett]
No hidden antennas.[Kerry Kane]The plural for antenna is antennae.[Hal Jordan]What’s the plural for eat s***?[Kerry Kane]
My mother is brain-damaged. What’s your excuse?[to Dorothy]
My mom says that women prefer guys with a good sense of humor.[Neal Schweiber]But you’re not very funny.[Bill Haverchuck]Screw you. I’m hilarious.[Neal Schweiber]
My last day is Friday.[Alice Chilton]I don’t think it’ll last that long.[Theodore ‘Ted’ Lasso]
My father’s twice the man you are, and the only thing he murders is the occasional opera in the shower.[to Donovan]
My advice… Same as to him. Find something else to do. For the sake of my mental health.[to Louisa and River]
Morty, relax. They’re face-hugging parasites. I don’t think their society’s gonna be that hard to navigate. Okay, yeah, this might be a little harder than I thought. Holy s***, they’ve got an M&M’s store.
Maybe he’s not a cop. Maybe he’s a stripper.[Ted]Oh, yeah. ‘Cause sometimes they dress up like cops.[John Bennett]If he says you have the right to remain sexy, we’re in the clear.[Ted]
Matty will be up soon. How do we tell him about O.J.?[Susan Bennett]Oh, let’s tell him Johnny’s gay. When he finds out it’s not true, he’ll be so relieved he won’t even care about O.J.[Ted]
