I’m ready to take that final ride with you, if you are.[Everett McKinney]Well, If I’d known that a heart attack would change your mind, I’d have had one sooner.[Beulah Jackson]
I’m pregnant.[Blaire Bennett]Holy s***![Ted]How can you be pregnant? You’re not married.[Matty Bennett]Wait, you’re dating guys again?[John Bennett]It was a one-night stand. I had to blow off some steam after things ended with Sarah.[Blaire Bennett]Yeah, I don’t think that happens from blowing.[Ted]
What you doing?[Timothy Ratliff]I’m praying for Piper to be miserable in that temple tonight. Maybe Jesus will save her from those Buddhists.[Victoria Ratliff]
I’m not the best judge for what’s humiliating. I used to put stuff up my butt for money.[Sam Riordan]What?[Emma Meyer]I’m kidding. Yeah, no, it wasn’t for money.[Sam Riordan]
I’m not a junkie. I’m a recreational drug user.
I’m nocturnal and dayturnal. The real word is “diurnal,” but I changed it because “diurnal” sounds like where Germans piss.
I’m messing with you, kid. All right, just sit tight. Maybe look for your sense of humor. It’s gotta be here somewhere.[to Vic]
I’m kind of like PewDiePie without the Nazi stuff.
I’m gonna kill you, Mooch! And then I’m gonna f*** your wife![as Boss]Good luck! She’s married![as Mooch]
I’m bored of living in my car. And I don’t think my car’s much of a fan of it either.
I’m about to get promoted or fired, but if I get this job, I’m bumping you up to creative executive.[Matt Remick]Holy s***. I thought you only ever said that so I wouldn’t quit.[Quinn Hackett]I did, but I also meant it.[Matt Remick]
I would argue that a good skincare regime can cross all political divides.