Congratulations on Mars. Looks like NASA still values age over beauty.[to Ed]
Comedy is fueled by oppression, by the lack of power, by sadness and disappointment, by abandonment and humiliation. Now, who the hell does that describe more than women? Judging by those standards, only women should be funny.
Come on, man. You never want to do anything since you and Janice broke up.[Joey Tribbiani]That’s not true. I wanted to wear my bathrobe and eat peanut clusters all day. I wanted to start drinking in the morning. Don’t say that I don’t have goals![Chandler Bing]
Come on, I’ve ruined date night because when we go to a restaurant the only thing I can eat is the chef.[to Joel]
College turns people gay. Absolutely right! Out there on the lawn every weekend, tossing the Frisbee around.[Matty Bennett] How the f*** is Frisbee gay?[Blaire Bennett] It’s a sport where nobody wins.[Matty Bennett]
Charles, you smile a lot.[Crystal Palace]Well, I’m loving talking to somebody my age who’s actually still alive.[Charles Rowland]
Charles, go get changed. We gotta get rid of the body. Bruce, go to bed. You got a test tomorrow.
Certainly glad we all decided to celebrate Halloween. Last time I had this much fun, I was pinned down in a foxhole by the North Koreans.
Cats, how long do they live? Figuring you don’t, y’know, throw them under a bus or something?[to Michael]
Castor, be sure to cut Octavia’s throat before you cut mine.[Atia of the Julii]Please, Castor, let Mother do it. I won’t deny her one last pleasure. It would be undaughterly.[Octavia of the Julii]
Can’t I see my own daughter in my own house anymore?[Luke Brunner]Hasn’t been your house for 15 years.[Emma Brunner]Tell this to my mortgage payments.[Luke Brunner]
Can you stop your brain for one second and take in all the information before you speak?[Susie Myerson]No.[Miriam ‘Midge’ Maisel]
